Mindset – Reset

Negative Inner Self-Talk has a massive effect on our mind-set, and is the first thing to get a handle on if you want to start feeling better about yourself, if you want more motivation, more self-confidence, more self-esteem, more happiness, more joy in your life, and the ability to see more opportunities in your life.

We can change our mind-set and the first steps are changing our negative inner self-talk and this workbook will show you the methods I use, and I teach my clients.

First of all, why would you want to change your mind-set. What I am talking about when I talk about mind-set, is your frame of mind. The way you are feeling right now. The mood that you are in. That is your mind-set. Just check in – how is your mind-set right now? Your mind-set affects how you feel about your life. Success and happiness are all about mind-set, so if you find that you are unhappy in any aspect of your life then your mind-set will be at the bottom of it. It affects everything in your life from what you think and feel to how you act and react. A negative, fixed, mind-set will hold you back from getting to where you want to be in life. So, in a nutshell, if you want to improve your life then you definitely need to improve your mind-set, and I’m here to help you do that and the first thing you need to look at is your inner self talk. So, what do I mean by inner self talk? It’s the way you speak to yourself in your head. Inner self-talk is the sound track running through your mind.

There are 2 types of Inner Self Talk,

1. Positive/constructive inner self-talk
2. Negative/destructive inner self-talk.

Most of our inner suffering and emotional turmoil comes from negative self-talk.

Here are some examples of Negative Inner Self-Talk.

I always give up too soon

I just can't do it.

I'm not as good as she is.

There's no point.

I am not worth it.

I'm no good at this.

People will laugh at me.

I'm too fat/too thin.

I'm too stupid.

I'm no good with money

Exercise #1 - List the Thoughts

What does your negative inner voice say to you?

You will find all the printable, downloadable pdfs in the Exercise pdfs section at the end that go with these exercises.

Negative self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities, and reach your potential. It is any thought that diminishes you and your ability to make changes in your life, or your confidence in your ability to do so.

Because of this, negative self-talk can not only be stressful, but it can really stunt your success. I want to get real with you here. This isn’t just a wishy washy theory, you might read this and think, “Well yes that’s all very well but I’ve tried thinking positively and it doesn’t work for me,” but this really matters. Why? Well, scientific evidence shows us that negative attitudes and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness creates chronic stress, and chronic stress upsets the body's hormone balance, depletes the brain chemicals required for happiness, and damages the immune system. Chronic stress decreases our lifespan.

Stress actually changes our DNA strands which cause us to age more quickly. That inner voice can be helpful and keep us motivated. However, when it gets too over-powering and left to run unchecked it can really bring us down. And I mean REALLY bring us down. It causes significant stress not only to us but to those around us. And it sneaks up on us when we aren't vigilant.

Carry on with the negative self-talk long enough and you will limit your ability to believe in yourself, limit your belief in your abilities, be unable to reach your potential, damage your confidence and self-esteem, increase your stress levels, and stop you from achieving the success in life you deserve. Your motivation will decrease; you may feel helpless and eventually suffer from anxiety and/or depression. It alters your view of reality – it’s like looking through broken glass. You aren’t seeing things for the way they really are – the truth is distorted. You won’t see opportunities around you.

These are all consequences of negative inner self-talk.

I am sorry if this sounds depressing, but this is truly the effect of it, and I know first-hand how damaging it can be. And the thing is, we can change it! It will require some input on your part, but you can change it. I know this because I have changed it myself, and my clients have changed it. And the bonus is, changing the negative inner self talk changes so many other things. Our brains love habit, and the more we indulge in negative self-talk the stronger those neural pathways are. The more you hear something the more you believe it.

Therefore if you keep telling yourself that you are useless, and not good enough, the more you believe it. The opposite is also true. I don’t want you to feel like that, and there is another way. Today I am going to give you 9 exercises to help you get started to change the habit of negative self-talk

Exercise #2 - Listen

The first thing I want you to do is learn to notice when you're being self-critical so you can begin to change your thoughts. Be an observer to your own thoughts. When you catch yourself, simply observe and note that you are carrying out negative self-talk. Simply recognising it is the first step and it is very powerful.

Make notes or download, print off the pdf document in the Exercise pdfs section

Your Negative Inner voice is just your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. One way to separate yourself from your negative thoughts is to give your inner voice a name. if someone is being nasty to you they have a name, so your inner voice isn't being nice to you either

Exercise #3

Download the attachment or print it out from the Exercise pdfs section and I'd like you to name and, if you wish, draw your inner negative voice. Lets have some fun with this.

Exercise #4 - Talk to it

Sounds a bit weird doesn't it, but if I can do it so can you.

When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, what I would like you to do is to start talking to your critical inner voice. You can say to your inner voice, ‘Thank you, I appreciate your attention but I’ve got this and you can relax now.’ I know that sounds daft, but it works! In a notebook or on the relevant Pdf attachment in the exercise pdf section, write down things that you plan to say to your inner negative voice, or things that you have said. I've given you some of my examples to get you started.

So download the pdf below and give it a go, remember to use the name you gave your inner voice in exercise #3

Exercise #5 – Change Your Language

When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, or negative talk to someone else, it isn’t always easy to turn it around completely. For example, if you are thinking to yourself, “I can’t stand this,” change the language so that it becomes, “I find this challenging but I can cope with it.” Or, ‘I hate this,’ can become ‘I don’t like this but I can cope with it and it will soon be over.’ This is because if we try to say the opposite, such as changing ‘I hate this,’ to ‘I love this,’ then your mind knows this isn’t true and won’t accept it, so lets not try to kid ourselves. Whereas, if you change the language slightly it takes most of the negative power away. In the pdf relevant to this section I've put some examples and I would like you to create some of your own as you catch yourself saying things in your head.

So download the pdf that goes with this exercise or just make notes and give it a go, remember to use only positive responses to your usual saying

Exercise #6 – Be your own friend

When our inner negative voice is really going for it, it can sound like it hates and despises us. We would never say those things to someone else. I find it helps to say to myself, would you say that to a friend? Imagine saying those things out loud to a friend and if you know that you would never say that, think instead what you would say to a dear friend who was saying those things about herself?

So download the pdf and give exercise #6 a go

Exercise #7 – What is Mirror Work

 What is Mirror Work??????

Before you all ask me what mirror work is, we do it everyday, just without knowing and without doing it properly.

 Mirror work is the most effective method I’ve found for learning to love yourself and see the world as a safe and loving place. I have been teaching people how to do mirror work for as long as I have been teaching affirmations.

 And what are affirmations? Put simply, whatever we say or think is an affirmation. All of your self-talk, the dialogue in your head, is a stream of affirmations. Not always good ones though!

 These affirmations are messages to your subconscious that establish habitual ways of thinking and behaving. So in other words the more we say something or hear something the more we start to believe it.

 Positive affirmations plant healing thoughts and ideas that support you in developing self-confidence and self-esteem, and creating peace of mind and inner joy.

 The most powerful affirmations are those you say out loud when you are in front of your mirror.

 Why?

Because the mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself. It makes you immediately aware of where you are resisting and where you are open and flowing. It clearly shows you what thoughts you will need to change if you want to have a joyous, fulfilling life. Its like your best friend saying something nice and smiling at you.

 As you learn to do mirror work, you will become much more aware of the words you say and the things you do. You will learn to take care of yourself on a deeper level than you have done before. We all want to love ourselves on the outside, but we also need to love ourselves from the inside as well.

 When something good happens in your life, you can go to the mirror and say, “Thank you, thank you. That’s terrific! Thank you for doing this.” If something bad happens to you, you can go to the mirror and say, “Okay, I love you. This thing that just happened will pass, but I love you, and that’s forever.”

 For most of us, sitting in front of a mirror and facing ourselves is difficult at first, so we call this process mirror work. Even though we think this practice is weird and not for us. We all still look in a mirror at least twice a day, so we may as well make it count.

 But as you continue, you become less self-critical, and the work turns into mirror play. Very soon your mirror becomes your companion, a dear friend instead of an enemy.

 A Lifetime Habit of Mirror Work

 You may be wondering,  can you totally transform your life in around three weeks? Maybe not totally, but you can plant the seeds.

 As you continue to do your mirror work, these seeds develop into new, healthy habits of mind that open the door to a joyous and fulfilling life.

 Doing mirror work is one of the most loving gifts you can give yourself. It takes only a second to say, “Hi, kid,” or “Looking good,” or “Isn’t this fun?” It’s so important to give yourself little positive messages throughout the day.

 The more you use mirrors for complimenting yourself, approving of yourself, and supporting yourself during difficult times, the deeper and more enjoyable your relationship with yourself will become.

 So try this at home, every morning and in the evening. You may feel a little silly at first, but if we can’t truly love ourselves, then who can we truly love. We deserve to praise and be honest with ourselves.

 Please don't do this toooooo much in public or you may need a different therapy

 So please go away and give this a go, stick with it, start off small with little comments out-loud or in your head if your prefer, like I look nice today, my hair looks nice or oh I look nice in this dress.

Exercise #8 – Put Things into Perspective

Put it in perspective, another way of looking at negative self-talk is to ask yourself will it really matter next year, or in 5 years, or in 10 years.

Or zoom out as if you are floating in space looking down from a space ship trying to spot yourself, laying there in your bedroom worrying over the thing that is going round in your head. It helps to show that it isn’t as massive as you might think in the bigger picture of things.

So download or print off the pdf for exercise #8 and give the next exercise a go, remember to keep it in perspective

Exercise #9 – Reinforce the Positive

You might wonder where the negative inner self-talk comes from. Sometimes it can be from an experience that we internalised when we were a child. Perhaps a teacher told you that you were no good at maths, or a friend told you that you were fat. At some point you began to believe that you were not good enough and you repeat the negative mantras to yourself over and over. In this exercise we are going to look at some positive phrases. These are phrases which you can repeat to yourself regularly to reinforce them to make them the habitual thoughts instead of the negative. Even better if you can look in the mirror whilst you repeat them to yourself, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Really look into your own eyes. This can be really hard to do at first. I learned this method from Louise Hay, it is very powerful. It is funny how we find it easy to berate ourselves each and every day in so many ways and yet we find it ridiculously difficult to praise ourselves, or love ourselves.

I would like you to think of your own examples that could be added to the table , so download or print off the pdf associated to this exercise.

Summary: The more you practice these methods, the more habitual and familiar they will become, and your brain likes familiar things so will tend to think more positive thoughts in the future. Doing this daily for 21 days is recommended as this starts to form a habit and create change. If you forget, and you will because you are human, then just pick up and start again. Like any self-development exercise, this is something that takes repetition and isn't something you can do once and then not bother. This is an ongoing journey. I promise you it is worth it, as are you.

Remember, you ARE good enough, you ARE worth it, there IS a point, you ARE lovable, and you CAN change.

I really hope you enjoyed this workshop. If you did then why not have a look at some more of my in-depth, informative workshops on my online workshops page on this website? Including:

• Assertiveness 
• Mindset/Reset, change that negative attitude
• Create your own gratitude journal
• Introduction to crystals & crystal therapy
• The complete guide to the 7 major chakras
• Vision board 
• Law of attraction 

On this website, I also have an:

• online wellbeing magazine (subscription)
• online meditation group (subscription)