I have been asked this question a lot over the years by my clients, family and friends, especially over recent years when we have all been through a very stressful, worrying time in the world’s life. Sometimes things happen in our lives that are truly amazing, beautiful, uplifting and make us feel truly blessed. Then there are times when life throws us a bad deal, times we feel we can’t cope, asking ourselves “Why me”. These are the times we need to tap into our positive mindset. But the truth is there is no quick fix, no magic button no one who can change our outlook for us.
It needs to be practised; it needs to be nurtured by us and us alone. Only we can change our own mindset. Don’t get me wrong I am no little angel, I do not live in a constant state of positivity, I have to keep practising, addressing my outlook and correcting myself when them negative attitudes creep up on me. I am far from perfect! There are times when a negative inner voice tells me I can’t, times when an inner imposter tells me I’m no good at something or other – BUT this is where my practice comes in, I am now more than capable of “flicking that switch” from negative to positive, from quietening that inner negative voice that tries to control my happy, positive state of mind.
The more time and effort we put into taking back control from negativity the more beneficial it will be to us, and to those around us.
So how can we all start our journey of a more positive attitude and a more positive well-being?
Below are some activities we can do to develop a more positive mindset, there are many, many more things we can and could do, but that would take most of my life to work through, so let’s start small and make it manageable for us all. Never set yourself a target so large that it’s unachievable, this alone will ensure you fail and give up, start small, get mentally stronger and the bigger things will seem easier to deal with in time.
Okay, so 1st
1. Get off social media more!
Let’s be honest here, how many of us can say we have whiled away an hour or 2 and not even realised where that time went?? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and any of the other multitudes of social media platforms that are around at the moment.
It took me 8 days away on my own in the Lake District on a course, with no available phone reception, no Wi-Fi or no mobile data available (the only WiFi I had was at night time when I went to the local pub for food and to let everyone know I was safe by posting my daily activities online, even this Wi-Fi was very unreliable) the only thing I had all day long was beautiful surroundings, my own company most of the time, the activities I went there to achieve and peace, peace of mind, peace and quiet just good old amazing peace! It was probably one of the most relaxing periods of time in my life and something I am going to try to do on a regular basis.
But! On my return, it hit me slap bang in the face, by the time I had driven the 4 hrs home I had already started to feel the unwelcome stress of how much of my time was spent with my phone, laptop in my hands! To realise how much time I actually spent on these gadgets, how much I relied on checking in on social media & MOST importantly how much time I wasted, how much of the world around me I missed out on, how much the constant pinging of my phone drew me in to check in to see who posted what, how many likes I had got. Constantly having conversations via text, messenger and WhatsApp, conversations that in the great scheme of life were not important or that couldn’t wait. Not only was I starting to feel that negative mindset returning, I was feeling annoyed with myself for allowing it to happen, it felt awful. Not everything we see on social media is true, or at least not the whole truth, we see people living amazing lifestyles, but most of the time the content people put up on social media is only a snapshot of their lives, it’s not the complete picture just what they choose us to see. This in turn can make us feel jealous, envious, and angry that we can not have what they have or the lives they lead. Inadequate that we have not been able to achieve this in our own lives, all of these are negative emotions and will affect our mindset.
This has resulted in me limiting my time on my phone, even turning off mobile data and Wi-Fi connection when I am out and about, and even turning off my Wi-Fi at home unless I need it, I allow myself limited time in the morning and a small amount of time in the evening to check-in. I now charge my phone in another room to stop me from getting tempted to check in on social media. There are also apps that help you see how much time you are spending on your phone, you can set time limits for certain apps which once reached will block that app for the remainder of the day.
2. Let’s talk Exercise!
Now before you have a meltdown and skip this section, I’m not going to get you to scale mountains with me or start cold water swimming (but feel free if you fancy) but exercise is a total must when it comes to a positive mindset, ask anyone in the know. Not only can it help with a better sleep pattern, it helps to improve your mood, and can ward off anxiety if done on a regular basis. If I get stuck indoors for a few days I can definitely tell the difference in my own personal mindset. Exercise isn’t just about your fitness levels; it’s about your entire well-being. The sooner we start to look at exercise as a friend, not an enemy the sooner our opinion of it will change and we will reap the benefits massively.
We don’t have to become mad-obsessed gym bunnies to incorporate exercise into our daily lives (but nothing wrong with that if you so wish) below are some easy, cheap, free suggestions to get you on the right path:
· Walk whenever you can…..
· Take the stairs instead of the lift or escalator…..
· Finding a type of physical activity that you enjoy and find fun to do, that’s half of the battle….
· Try to fit in a walk in your lunch break or between classes…..
· Park 1 block/farther away from your required destination…..
· Pop some music on and dance…..
· Wear or use your pedometer on your phone, believe me, it becomes addictive, aim for 10,000 steps a day and progress from there…..
· Grab yourself a hula hoop…..
· Dust off that bike…..
If as an adult the thought of breaking a sweat breaks your spirit, it might be time to think about fun ways you can get active, just like you’re a kid again. So grab a friend and go play and have some fun.
· On the local play park…..
· Climb a (small) tree…..
· Go paddleboarding or kayaking…..
· Play in the snow…..
· Get yourselves a Frisbee…..
· Water balloon fights (British weather permitting ha ha )…..
· Borrow your kid’s skipping rope…..
· Slide/roll down a hill and run back up…..
· Egg and spoon races, two-legged races, sack races, wheelbarrow races – there’s nothing like a silly race to get people competitive! If it’s been a while since you balanced an egg while running or tied your leg to someone else’s, it might be time to hold your own backyard sports day…..
I hope I have given you some ideas to get you up and moving again, but most of all I hope I have given you some fun ideas to incorporate some exercise into your daily lives. Go forth, have fun and exercise and reap the rewards.
3. Lets Talk Meditation!
Meditation isn’t all about sitting in the Gassho position, legs crossed and hands joined in prayer position, it can be so much simpler than that. With a little practice we can all incorporate some meditation time into our lives. Most of us will without actually realising already do some meditation during our waking day. It’s about understanding what meditation really is and using it to our benefit. The simplest way to explain meditation or mindfulness which seems to be its new modern name is the ability to quieten the mind/brain, to allow the mind time to rest and restore itself. If we are honest we can all admit that we have and regularly do have a stream of jumbled, messy thoughts that are flying around our minds at a 100mph and causing us stress and anxiety. This is what we need to focus our attention on during meditation and eliminate.
Like I said meditation/mindfulness does not need to be difficult, no special equipment is required, just a few moments of quiet time that we can all find in our waking moments. Some of the simple examples of how we can meditate below may ring bells with some of us, then the penny will drop and you will think of wow I do that already, but its about getting the most out of these moments and using them to our advantage on a REGULAR basis.
So firstly choose a time and space in your day, mornings are a good time as it sets you up for the day, where you can have about 10/15mins to yourself.
- Sit or lie comfortably, close your eyes. …Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally. Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Maybe try placing your hand on your tummy so you can physically feel your tummy rising and falling with each breath. Place all your attention on your breath, if your mind starts to wander, and thoughts come into your mind then simply let them go and bring your attention back to your breath and your tummy rising and falling.
- Another simple way to meditate is by focusing your attention on something physical in your hands, like your morning coffee. Simply hold the coffee cup in your hands and focus your attention on the warmth coming from the cup (make sure it’s not to hot) again every time a thought comes into your mind, simply let it go and bring your attention back to the warmth of the cup, or you can even focus your attention on the steam arising from your hot coffee in the same way keeping your attention focused on the steam. Sure we have all done this before, when we come out of our meditative state and say “oh wow I was in a world of my own then”
- One of the easiest ways to start your meditation journal is to use a guided meditation.
What is Guided Meditation? Guided meditation describes a type of meditation led by a teacher, in person or via audio or video. When starting out, having an expert lead you through the basic steps of your meditation practice is recommended as this can make the journey so much simpler to understand. For those interested see my online mindfulness page on my website, here I can guide you through your new and exciting journey.
Below is a sample of a guided meditation, so find a quiet, comfy peaceful place and hit play. Remember that every time you feel your mind wander off somewhere, just bring it back to the voice or to your breath and your tummy rising and falling. Don’t get stressed or annoyed if your mind wanders a lot, as this can be normal when you first start your meditation journey, it takes time and practice. But every time you bring your mind back to what you are focusing on you are showing YOU are in control of it, and IT is not in control of you. If you manage to stay focused for 5mins out of the 10/15mins its 5mins that your brain has had time to rest and so it’s not wasted effort.
4. Making comparisons between you and other people and their lives?
Constantly comparing ourselves to others can seriously start to lower our self-esteem and make us feel bad about ourselves. We need to resist this debilitating urge to always see other people lives through rose tinted glasses, this is even harder with the social media frenzy of a world we live in (see point 1) we don’t realise we are doing it most of the time as it has become a bad habit that most of us have fallen into. We are only comparing ourselves with a tiny aspect of their lives; we rarely see the whole picture.
So what can we do to stop this bad habit?
- Be aware of your triggers and avoid them….
- Limit your time on social media pages….
- Remind yourself that money doesn’t buy you happiness….
- Count your blessings ….
- Use comparison as motivation….
- Focus more on your strengths….
Remember the key is to focus on what you have, not what others have. If you are thankful for what you have, you’ll always have more. If you keep your focus on what you don’t have, then you will never have enough.
5. Be grateful and express it!
By expressing gratitude we can help ourselves experience more positive emotions, we learn how to appreciate the good moments in our lives more, it can help us think more deeply about what we have, and not what we don’t have.
It is virtually impossible to feel grateful and feel negative at the same time. The two emotions are totally incompatible together. It is also impossible to feel grateful and angry at the same time. See where we are going with this, by being more grateful we can eliminate two negative emotions straight away. Got to be worth a try?
No matter how difficult and defeating life can sometimes feel, there is always something to feel grateful for. Even more than that, by being grateful more regularly in your day about the good things in your life can help prepare and strengthen you to deal with the rough patches when they pop up.
It’s extremely simple to start: simply start to write down the things you are grateful for on a daily basis, you can pop them in a gratitude journal, or in a gratitude jar on bits of paper or even by just making yourself think of 5 things you are grateful for when you wake in the morning will allow you to start your day off on a positive note.
If you wish to find out even more about the benefits of using a Gratitude Journal, feel free to have a look at my online workshop Create your own Gratitude Journal on my website.
So there we have it, 5 simple (ish) tips to get you started on your path to a more positive mind-set. There are so many more ways that I could introduce you to, but maybe that’s for another post. Have a think about which one resonates the most with you and start from there. The sooner we start to implement these tips into our lives the sooner we will see the benefits to our own well-being and a more positive outlook to our lives.